Introduction

When it comes to parenting, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing.  As I’m writing this, my toddler is running around in nothing but her underwear.  I just bribed her with Skittles to let me cut her nails.  The baby is snuggled up watching cartoons on the dog’s bed – sorry American Academy of Pediatrics, screen time happens.  My sink is full of dishes (again), there is a literal mountain of laundry waiting to be folded and put away (at least it’s clean), and the dust bunnies in the corners are big enough to sprout limbs and hop away.  I don’t have all the answers about raising kids.  I don’t have some magic bullet philosophy that is going to solve all your parenting problems.  I still can’t quite figure out HOW TO DO ALL THE THINGS.  Also, I curse a lot, so sorry in advance.

Here’s what I’ve learned since becoming a parent: nobody else knows what they’re doing either. So when a new parent has a question about breastfeeding, or sleep schedules, or the red bumps on their baby’s ass, I bet you can guess who they’re likely to ask: Google.  Congratulations mamma, you’re about to fall down the rabbit hole.  From your Google search you’ll be sent to Baby Center forums, mommy blogs, attachment parenting websites, sleep training websites, and MAYBE an actual credible source.  Misinformation runs rampant and assholes treat personal philosophies like facts.  Maybe you’ll find a good answer to your question, but more likely you’ll come away more confused than ever.  In the worst-case scenario, it will make you feel like a shit parent who is doing everything wrong.  Suddenly your baby’s diaper rash means that you may have passed Ebola through your breastmilk and you’re calling all your family members to find out who’s been to Africa recently.  Don’t get me wrong, I love Google.  I may or may not have googled the phrase “how to get a book published.”  But let’s try to save Google for finding the best local Thai food and not learning how to raise our kids.

Here’s where I come in: the non-expert.  Like I said, I’m not here to sell you on any system or strategy.  I won’t tell you that you need to follow my program or else your kids are going to be irrevocably fucked up.  Which begs the question: why should you listen to me?  For starter’s, I’m one of you.  I’m a mostly-stay-at-home mommy to two spectacular little girls.  In my non-mommy life, I’m a Labor and Delivery nurse, Lactation Consultant, and graduate student.  I’ve been taught how to find, evaluate, and implement the ideas proven by good research.  We call this evidence-based practice.  I’m here to save your sanity by wading into the crazy muck of internet parenting advice and pulling out the gems of actual scientifically proven answers.  I also relentlessly question and annoy the people in my life who are experts in their fields.  Just facts here people, no bullshit.20170629_190057-COLLAGE.jpg

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