When it comes to parenting, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. As I’m writing this, my toddler is running around in nothing but her underwear. I just bribed her with Skittles to let me cut her nails. The baby is snuggled up watching cartoons on the dog’s bed – sorry American Academy of Pediatrics, screen time happens. My sink is full of dishes (again), there is a literal mountain of laundry waiting to be folded and put away (at least it’s clean), and the dust bunnies in the corners are big enough to sprout limbs and hop away. I don’t have all the answers about raising kids. I don’t have some magic bullet philosophy that is going to solve all your parenting problems. I still can’t quite figure out HOW TO DO ALL THE THINGS. Also, I curse a lot, so sorry in advance.